Fight or Flight or Neither - Our Social Intelligence

While reading a book, especially a book on psychological or philosophical aspects most of us have a tendency to relate the incidents, characters, philosophy with our own or others (people known to you) experiences. We do this perhaps because it helps us to understand and relate. This happened to me while I was reading a book called Social Intelligence (by Daniel Goleman of Emotional Intelligence) where he cites an example of a mob fearing from a group of soldiers gets united against them. The mob had a preconceived negative notion that the soldiers have come to arrest their leader or may harm their place of worship. The commanding officer Lieutenant Colonel Christopher Hughes had to think fast. He took a loudspeaker –told his soldiers first to kneel on one knee, then second to point their rifles towards the ground and third to have a big smile on their faces. This had a dramatic effect on the situation there by breaking the cultural and language barriers. He was able to calm the whole crowd.

Daniel explains this further by calling this as brain’s social brilliance even in a tense and chaotic situation e.g. deciding instantly whether to run or engage when you encounter a stranger with the help of your mind neural circuits. 

I had an incident with a stranger on a Mehrauli Road between Gurgaon & Delhi last month where I behaved differently than my normal self .Honestly, I was surprised by my own behavior & felt that it was not me .The behavior did not came at least from my thinking mind. . It was afternoon time on a weekday with fair amount of traffic on the road. I was going for a client meeting when I heard a sound “hump” like something touched my car in the back. There was not much of traffic and I had plenty of time and was driving at a normal pace . I noticed a man on a bike driving next to me .I am known among my friends and family who drives safe. That day was not any different. I was pretty sure that there was no chance that I have done something wrong. I got a feeling that the man on the bike has actually deliberately come closer to my car and with his hand had slapped the car body which caused that sound. As I was confident and my intentions were clear, I stopped my car just to understand and find out what was the problem.

I still didn’t understand that this is the trap created by the man on the bike just to attract my attention and made me stopped. This is what he wanted .The moment I stopped my car just to find out what has happened, he aggressively took his helmet out. Now I can see his face and body built. He was more than 6 ft height and muscular built more like a wrestler. The commuters were not interested in what is happening on the road side. Everyone just passed by.

 When I asked him what had happened, out of a sudden he changed his tone. He was now sounding like someone who wants to extort money from you. He was very straight and said- You were driving wrong & you were about to hit me on my bike. Give me money and we will settle it here. I was astonished and now I could realise his intentions and why & how he created this trap. I got into his trap. 

I collected my little presence of mind still present there and just laughed as I am not scared from him and his threat .I told him that why he is doing this in broad day light ?I told him this and just sat in my car so that I can just get out of there. He understood that I am not going to shell out money so easily to him. May be he was looking for more. He now changed the tactics. He as well opened my car and sat in the front seat and asked me to give money or drive with him.

This was the moment that my sixth sense worked. I guess similar to what might have occurred to   Lieutenant Colonel Christopher Hughes as narrated by Daniel Goleman in Social Intelligence. I responded looking at the gravity of situation .I quickly took my phone and came out of my car. I had a feeling that he wanted to kidnap me. That guy came out of the car as well. I pretended to him that I know him and I as well stay nearby in the same area. He did not believe first .He asked me name & where I live. I told him whatever came to my mind just out of nowhere. Seeing that it has some impact but not that he can let me go. But I could see that he is now thinking about his next actions. I had to say something more which can deter him. A day before one of my friends had traveled from Mumbai with an ACP (Assistant Commissioner of Police) who was sitting next to him. When I was talking to him, he told me the name of that ACP. In the same breath I also told that guy- Do you know I am nephew of that ACP & I raised my tone Do you know what an ACP is? Seeing my reaction that guy again changed his tone and said since it was my fault, I should have said Sorry & matter would have been over. I told him if this is the case- I am sorry. The moment I said this like he was now trying to escape as well from the situation. He sat on has bike, kicked, started it & within seconds he had gone.

I was standing there, still not able to believe that I was able to avoid a difficult situation. There are many more incidents which I can collect now where I lied, behaved very differently or acted without thinking out of impulse to come out of a difficult situation or to give myself into a situation. I can now recall & relate to many such difficult situations in life and how our mind had behaved in those tricky situations. Funny isn't it? 

Indian Innovators

Man's search for meaning -You expect something from life or Life should expect something from you

Good thing about your true friends are that they can say those things on your faces without getting worried abut pros & cons. Your ego also does not get hurt with them saying this on your face. I was invited by one of my old friends for a dinner and was looking forward discussing anything which came to my mind without fear of being judged . Few single malt drinks with aroma of anticipated Chicken Biryani had set the mood for the evening . The evenings like this always remind me of my wife as this is the way life has to be lived with family,friends and an open discussion about few topics of common interest where every one listens,contributes,develops his understanding better about the topics which were part of the discussion..This was one of those evenings....

The intention was not to discuss Frankl but he came from somewhere & we started discussing about Freud's frustration in the sexual life & Frankl frustration in the "will-to-meaning." Frankl had came to a stage in his life when he suddenly realizes he has "nothing to lose except his so ridiculously naked life." Also he said to live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and in dying. But no man can tell another what this purpose is. Each must find out for himself, and must accept the responsibility that his answer may prescribes. If he succeeds he will continue to grow in spite of all indignities.

Frankl is fond of quoting Nietzsche, "He who has a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how". In the adverse conditions which we all face sometime or the other are nothing as compare to what Frankl faced in a concentration camp where circumstance were forcing prisoners lose their hold on themselves Like he said that all the familiar goals which we all have in life are snatched away. What alone remains is "the last of human freedoms"— the ability to "choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." This ultimate freedom as we say..

Frankl aim become to awaken in prisoner (or patients for him ) the feeling that he is responsible to life for something, however grim his circumstances may be. One of the sentences which I heard him saying in one of his videos were - the more you aim success or happiness the more you are going to miss it in present .

We all face situations in our life where you are confused and hesitated with what you should be doing. It can be giving up now to fate or trying one more time.Should I do this because this is right thing to do or because I am being watched or I will get caught ? Should I pick up a job because I love doing it or because it gives me a good salary package? Should I go with what I enjoy or with what I feel I am responsible for ?

I have always listened to my conscience allowed me to do and went with it to the best of my knowledge & abilities. Then if you will live to see that in the long run— "in the long run" (How long :-)) —success will follow you because you had "forgotten" to think of it.

What I have found myself is that Success is the unintended side-effect of one's dedication to a cause greater than oneself.In the similar way , Happiness is the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. Watch the video below ....you will like it...rest of Frankl next time..

Why it is important for a man ( Woman) to search for Meaning

When to Pray & When to Act

Some people were wondering looking at their captain praying when the ship was about to sail as the climate was fine and there seem to be no problem.Halfway through their journey they faced a storm and got into a rough weather .People got panicked and started praying. They asked the captain as well to join them.Captain looked at terrified faces of people and replied back to them that he prays when it's calm ..When there is storm ,I jump into action....

We all are captains of our LIFE-ships.

When we come across a life situation which we don't like and don't want -many of us will start praying and stop acting ..When you pray you feel better because of it diverts your mind from the stress situation.Stress was because of the thoughts in mind arising from the situation.In a stress-situation caused by some issue or a real problem,our mind sees this problem through his lens.Most of the times we increase the problem size.Praying helps and can solve the problem created by your mind but will not solve the "real problem" but since most of the problem was created by your mind ,that gets resolved.You need to eat in case you are hungry,praying will not help you take care of same.It can help you for sometime by diverting your mind.So Action(with a conscious mind) together with a Prayer (deep faith in your heart) is a good combination for most of the life problems.        

  

Solution lies beyond your beliefs

I read these beautiful lines and wanted   to share with you.

Buzzard when put in a container of six to eight feet square & open at the top, the bird, despite of his ability to fly, will remain a prisoner. he reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of ten to twelve feet. Without space to run, as is his habit,he will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.

A ordinary bat that flies around at night, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.

A Bumblebee if dropped into an open tumbler will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.

Human Beings sometimes behave similarly.They keep struggling about their problems and frustrations,without realizing that the answer was always there above them.When ever you are in  a problem ,see around for a solution than waiting for solution to come to you.

Struggle between Theory and Practice

As a management practitioner ,I always have struggle between what we call theory/books and what reality demands .This reality can be as applied to your own life or for the business you work for.

Your reading and knowledge should not become like weather forecast or a daily horoscope as published in newspapers everyday...which everyone goes through but no one believes in 

I do not want to disrespect academicians here but in my own experience I have found this to be true many times. When I shared this with one of my friend ,he told me that horoscopes are sometimes useful as they contain practical advice.
I have seen my colleagues in academia and in business many times getting into the "trap" which I call intellectual masterxxxx. They are happy with getting themselves published in journals or getting patents but not interested in co-relating this to the impact the same will have to address the critical challenges of people in their life or for businesses they work for.

In my own experience ,I have seen this more becoming a manipulation or just to impress their colleagues or seniors (more of a ego booster ) then a real creation of value.Research as applied should be the measure.

I have been associated with Industry and Academia and as well want to take my share of blame as well of not doing enough..I love theories/books/knowledge and do not want people to loose respect for same.I feel it's my duty to make sure that relevance of same is always maintained. I’ve always wanted to be in a position where I create a real value.. 

I have been as well reading psychology apart from management books .I have been able to find commonalities between challenges as faced by people and business. People are both component of business and family (&society ) -Family, Society & Business is for people & by people so they are very well interrelated 

When I have gone deep in the problems as faced by them,I’ve learned that often there is more to a problem than what is seen on the surface .The real crux of a problem turns out to be invisible. Over a period of time ,I have learnt from my colleagues,friends,clients and have become more aware and conscious. 

I have learnt that behind rational behavior there is lot of irrational causes A anthropologist Ashley Montagu once said, “Human beings are the only creatures who are able to behave irrationally in the name of reason 

I’ve learnt from my own experience that the best way to grow our minds is to solve real problems only.

There is no Meaning & Purpose of Life beyond what you define for yourself

I was reading one of the books and want to share few things here on my blog.We human beings sometime think that this world has been created for us only...How funny? In fact we do not realized that we have created more mess around us ...for our self

Legendary science writer Stephen Jay Gould once told  :The human species has inhabited this planet for only 250,000 years which is like .0015 percent of the history of life.Human beings have lived for that much time.Think of your own life span w.r.t this . The earth & this world fared perfectly well without us for all but the last moment of earthly time–and this fact makes our appearance look more like an accidental afterthought than the culmination of a prefigured plan. Moreover, the pathways that have led to our evolution are quirky, improbable, unrepeatable and utterly unpredictable. Human evolution is not random; it makes sense and can be explained after the fact. But wind back life’s tape to the dawn of time and let it play again–and you will never get humans a second time.

So I am not sure what are we proud of...if we are not sure of our existence second time .Continuing with same .... 
We are here because one odd group of fishes had a peculiar fin anatomy that could transform into legs for terrestrial creatures; because the earth never froze entirely during an ice age; because a small and tenuous species, arising in Africa a quarter of a million years ago, has managed, so far, to survive by hook and by crook. We may yearn for a ‘higher’ answer — but none exists. This explanation, though superficially troubling, if not terrifying, is ultimately liberating and exhilarating.

Infact I am liberated after reading this..

We cannot read the meaning of life passively in the facts of nature. We must construct these answers ourselves — from our own wisdom and ethical sense. There is no other way.

Someone once question this to himself  Why I’m here most of my life ? Then he answered himself - If there’s a purpose I don’t care anymore. I’m seventy-four. I’m on my way out. Let the young people learn the hard way, like I did. No one ever told me anything.

 I am neither young now neither old...so what to do..
Just to be on the lighter side and those who do not want to stress themselves more than what they have already accumulated so far  

A wise man once said that all human activity is a form of play. And the highest form of play is the search for Truth, Beauty and Love. What more is needed? Should there be a ‘meaning’ as well, that will be a bonus?If we waste time looking for life’s meaning, we may have no time to live — or to play.

As far as I am concerned I am more of a seeker, an agonist and this definition suits me...

For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can’t readily accept the God formula, the big answers don’t remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command or faith a dictum. I am my own God.

We are here to unlearn the teachings of the temples, churches, mosque ,state ,parenting and our educational system. We are here to drink wine & beer. We are here to kill war.We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us. We are here to read these words from all these wise men and women who will tell us that we are here for different reasons and the same reason.

Last but not the least some one even questioned this questioning 
Avant-garde composer and philosopher John Cage said : No why. Just here...

Happy Reading...